Living alone gives me the kind of freedom, space and time I longed for…it’s impractical but convenient. I am single and it’s my choice. I had failed relationships in the past….all ending up in heartaches, a dismal facet of my miserable love life.I survived to a degree of almost self denial…then I said to myself,’NEVER AGAIN”.Putting my feet firmly on the ground, I made monastic vows to escape apathy and concentrate fully to I, ME, MYSELF mantra.
…..so I live alone, abroad.
It is liberating, I have access to the bathroom anytime. I’m doing household chores at my own pace,the ultimate privacy with no one bothering and snooping my unguarded moments….its my” declaration of independence”.
Like anybody else I have my own depressions, feeling lonely and knowing that nobody is there to comfort me. I sought solace to my friends…my emotional blankets, components to my comfort zones,I can’t imagine life without them.Routine it may seems but we never bother to alter our lifestyle, it’s just absolutely complacent.
Lots of them are living alone too…”same feather flocks together” as they say,we hang and chill out spending most of the night dining,chatting or just passing off the time until we bid goodbyes.
One time when I was returning home, there was this cat crying profusely,maybe he strayed and was hungry or afraid in the dark.He was filthy and weak.Leaving the hapless creature in the alley induced guilt feeling, yet I never bothered to appease him.His meows annoyed me, I couldn’t sleep and covering my ears with pillows proved to be a futile exercise,so I went downstair and picked the small cat home.I gave some milk and covered him with warm cloth,feeling comfortable and fed, he stopped pestering the night.I went to bed and slept.
Having extra responsibility like tending a cat was new to my system.I hated the idea of having me obliged to fed,nursed,bathed and groomed a stranger in my” private idaho”.
I compromised and allowed myself to give it a try.. a new challenge to my lethargic existence.Later, the task was routine and I was little relieved.
His playfulness gave me headaches.Cushions,beddings and table clothes were his favorite accessories to his playground.I taught him to use the litter box but for him everywhere is his toilet.He was naughtyand stubborn. Body language was our means of communication,like he’s rubbing my legs when I came home, displaying his affection and trying to catch my attention.
My cat became my new roommate..he was just another guy in my life,hanging around and comforting me during my rough days.He was my pal, our natural closeness bound us together…two singular soul sharing life….he was my commitment.
I named him” Gypsy”, for his affinity to the streets,his nature of being a wanderer.
There were times when I’m bored and isolated… emptiness filled my soul,but my body hormones permeated fire deep in me..burning me slowly… I felt the malice.
Inspite of his sufferings from wounds and bruises afflicted to him during his street rendezvous,Gypsy ventured often and disappeared for couple of days.I resented the action but allowed him freedom…a cat will always be a cat.
I kept myself busy and spent more time with my friends to avoid the emptiness and longing I felt especially when alone in my bed. I realized later that Gypsy was also waiting for me everynight..maybe I did not pay much attention to him.
When we were together, we spent calming each other’s nerve by patting, hugging and playing around.We enjoyed the night by viewing the busy streets below our balcony…and I thought Gypsy was trying to give me some hints about life..its pain, joy and struggle.
Shall I endure the bruises he got looking for love??….
Is it really worth to love and get dumped than never to love at all??…including footing the bills…allowances,and services like his “personal geisha” and waiter…?
Will I just gracefully continue my cat realationship and abstain from another human being…sharing my life and my bed.
Gypsy and me…or Me and Gypsy
Two souls…two different worlds…one desire.
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