It’s so summer, and lots of fashion faux pas happens when you are planning to spend your weekend at your favorite beach resort. Well, here are some ways to be a beach diva and how how to dress for the occassion, remember, even the beach is a catwalk, honey….!
To look like a celebrity hog, travel heavy, only the- can’t- afford travel light. You need to pack all your awesome things in your very best luggages – with customized name tags, preferably in acid colours. Bring Hermes in different sizes and colors, Louis Vuitton won’t mind. Subtle is for wannabe’s and starlets baby….
Bring all your personal private armies- 3 personal assistants, 5 stylists: for your breakfast attire, brunch, lunch, snacks dinner and after dinner, and surprise rendezvous, who knows. Hire 5 musclemen to be your security guards cum lotion men when you love to show off your fake tan, fake curves and fake ass. Complete? Nah….hire some town criers cum twitter trannies to tweet every second of your movements. Get the loudest: Never Balderammasutra, KrishepaputamusLTD and the rest of fakes in twitter.
Wear wide brimmed hats with unique head-turner accessories like an Eiffel Tower on your head, but feel sophistication like Audrey Hepburn’s, to go with your over-sized Jackie-O shades.
Bring lots of bathing suits to display your freshly renovated tummy, pouting lips, and eye bags disappearance.To look summerish, show off the gumamela patterns with frills from your buying spree in Bangkok.
At a beach resort, everyone turns up for the lavish breakfast spread to clock in the calories for the day – and be seen, so tag along your personal therapist, your dermatologist, personal nurse and your botoxologist. It is a fashion parade of no small significance….again, sureness. Sunflower-yellow minis, floral midis and bright striped maxis, soft pantsuits held on with beaten metal jewellery…pull out the stops and wear all the might.
You will be competing with haughty starlets who look fabulous, dress beautifully and shimmer with an, ‘I’ve-had-sex-on-the-beach’ (the drink, what were you thinking?) glow. They wear couture ukay-ukay for dinner. It’s your moral responsibility to show them you know how it’s done. Bring your DIORS and Balenciagas for grabbing attentions baby!
Wear heels on the beach….BUT ON THE TOP OF YOUR HIRED PULPIT-to have this GODDESS effect.
Don’t answer your BBM’s on your Blackberry, hire one dozen call center guys to do it for you……….!!!!!!!!!!!!
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