LAKEWOOD'S HIDDEN SECRET: ALINDAHAW RESORT

“Gud morning Sir!!!” Lagring blurted out as  the 4:am rooster heralded the exciting day on this very dry summer month. I love the early smell of the coffee flowers near the kitchen. The white clusters of aromatic scents  gave me that soothing effect on my day start.

Maayong buntag pod Lagrimas, I answered back. Unya ready na tanan atong  mga  gamit og balon?

“Ako na syang gi-arrange sa jeep sir..maluto na sad ang mga puso ug pwede na pod ka mamahaw apter 30 minutes Ser”.

 Lagring was so organized that day and gave me that boost on this picnic trip of ours going to the resort near Lakewood, they called it aptly ALINDAHAW RESORT which means a dragonfly in local Bisaya. The resort amenities can be compared to classy ones in Manila, except that this resort has one of the largest lake in Mindanao…and of course my son, Baste loves this place.

“Sir, katong inun-on tulingan nga nay tuno? Tilawi daw Sir kay akong gibutangan ug sili gabii aron medyo haling-halang. Ang budbud ingon si Inse Masing agion nalang daw nato sa ilang balay inig paingon nato sa Lake wood” Lagring said.

Mmm, si Masing, I remember her mga kanding nga sige nyag buhian sa akong  manggahan. One day, gahangos si Jojo nga misumbong sa akoa, “Tiyo ,Tiyo perteng daghana sa kanding nga nag breakfast sa manggahan, gipangkitkit nila ang mga punoan sa mga mangga!”

“Ha??? Tinood ka? Hala dal-a katong pusil ug pamusila kining mga tamhangan nga kanding! Pagdali  basin mawala nay panit ang mga mangga…burles mangoes na sila!” I said in stress.

Unsay pusil tiyo? Wala man tay pusil” he said.

“ Kabanga ba intawon nimo Loloy, kato bang pusil sa langgam gani nga gigamit ni Dong Pesyong ug Arsenio para mamusil gani silag mga bagwa, tukmo, punay ug katong akong mga palangga nga mga pungak?

Tiyo, dili man to makapatay ug kanding, baga ug mga panit na sila….dili pareho sa mga birds!

Jojo, Jojo, Jojo..asa man ka noong nagtapon ng katalinuhan ang Diyos? Por dos por dos!!!!!! Tulog ka pa ano? Kinsay gaingon patyon nimo ang mga kanding….? Hadloka lang sila noh…hala adto dayon sa manggahan!

After almost three hours Jojo appeared like having a stressful day. Tiyo nanagan man ang mga kanding sa silong sa balay..guhulat nako ug manggawas , wala jud.

I said to myself, mas bright ba ang mga kanding intawon. Hay…Panginoon tagai pa kog taas kaayong pasensya maluoy ka!

“Sir, ready na tanan ang atong mga balon ug tua na sa sakyanan sama sa usa ka kalderong nilung-ag kan-on, usa ka Tupperware nga adobong manok og yobabs, usa ka kalderong nilug-ag hinog nga saging, ginagmay, inon-unang tulingan, thermos init para sa kape ug gatas, usa ka galloon Crystal Clear Mineral Water, mga isda para sugbaon, mga saging tundan hinog, spaghetti, slice bread, pancit, pritong bulad, scrambled eggs, hotdogs ug pritong bangus plus sinanglag nga pasayan”Lagring proudly said.

Pagkadaghan bas sa dala Lagrimas, unsa man diay ni swimming o kumbira!!!!!!!!ahahahahaha!!! kaulaw oi.

I remember what one foreigner who asked me so blatantly that why Filipinos that go swimming are bringing lots of foods in the beach. I told her that is our culture, swimming is just an excuse for bonding, and eating is our way of life, I said to her.

“Look at me, I just brought one liter of water…enough!” she  said.

Adah…kasamok baning kanahan oi…mag buot diay sya? While I looked into her two piece bikini, ohmygawdness she had too much wrinkles in her neck, sa tyan ug sa legs that I thought the turkeys will be put into shame…kahinawayon jud ko no? pero tinood man sad, nanghilabot man pod sya sa mga Pinoy,tse kalang!

Baste ang his friends after light breakfast jumped into the car and were into jacket kay kadlawon pa lage mi nanglarga aron dili init ug mag breakfast mi somewhere after taking a left turn sa Dumalinao.

The picnic went so smooth and I enjoyed the scenery, I had been to St. Tropez in France, the famous nude beach in the French Riviera, pero lahi jud ang Pinas, lami paminawon ang mga katawa sa mga bata while they enjoyed splashing in  little pools made for kids. Baste eat less and so the other children, they love to swim and he ordered me to buy some orange juice which I obliged. Knowingly that aside organizing this event ako pa jud ang ilang bangko central.

The oldies gathered on the pavilion and never went swimming including me. We eat breakfast and later lunch. Some strolled the area, while me was looking and making bantay to Baste though Lagring was there too in her usual pekpek shorts.

Some went kayaking on the lake and some enjoyed the zipline across the tranquil lake.

The children stopped at three ug nangasuko pa jud. Baste keep on bagutbot, ingon ko hala sige ugma adto napod ta swimming sa Tabina….while all the oldies nga wala magswimming ang uban hubog pero I can see the joy and happiness on our picnic in Alindahaw resort.

for more info and reservations: hit Alindahaw Lakewood Resort /Biswangan/Lakewood/Zamboanda del Sur

photo credits: BERNARD AGULO

Saging Nilung-ag, Ginamos & Pekpek Shorts

I was taking an afternoon nap on a bamboo bed at my nipa pavillion near the main house when I heard a strange sound as if coming out from the deep, say, para bang gikan sa sementeryo gani, kay ga-agulo, murag kalag nga wa mahimutang. She was screaming in sharp voice like Aray...aray nako , araaaaay.....

It bothered me a lot, unta kung nindot unta iyang voice, okey ra....pero por dyos, por dos por dos, chaka jud sa akong mga ears. Nawaaah  bigla ang akong pagka-katolgon, gibati kog kangil-ad, gihilasan ko sa akong nadunggan.

"Lagring...lagring!!!!!!!!!!! day duol ra god dere!" I called.
"Angkol, (wow, ha, sounds like french to me, arghhhh!) wala sa balay si aAti Lagring...tua sa videokihan! says Bering, our neighbor's 8 year old girl. "Adtoa ragod ging palihog" I said.

As I expected, hing kalit lang ug butho sa akong atubangan ang usa ka ghostly figure..kana bang murag kalag, alam ko na, way lain si Lagrimas...gabutang na sad ug Tsing- Tsang- Tso sa udtong tutok....with matching iyang nag-inusarang "PEKPEK SHORT".

"Day Lagring...diay piso, adtoa ra god tong gakanta sa videokehan, katong gakanta ug Aray...ihatag ning piso o, kay dili ko katulog sa iyang pwera gabang tingog ha, bitbita sad ning dos pordos, hala hadloka kini aron moundang." I commanded her.

"O anong nyare...ansabee??? nganong mura kag kandila diha? adtoa na ba!!!

Ser, bugal-bugalon kaayo ka....ako man tong gakantag Aray Ser, nindot kaayo akong bersyon noh? talo pa tong original singer!!!!!!!!

I was left in a trance...mura kog gikan sa delivery room, kana ganing naay nanganak unya gasyagit ug Aray...Aray!!!! ang mabdos, sus noh sa akong mind, merese...merese ka Day, aray-aray ka sa imong bangag...tinoyuan na nimo ha.

It was a nonesense moments with Lagring, of course, she has all the freedom to release all the pollution of her vocal chords, thy kingdom come. Now it's either evaporate to Timbuktu or ignore the local Diva who has all the rights to show off...total akong bana-bana sya jud naka hurot sa tig singko nako sa altar.

Okey, hala pagtak-ang kay mag meryenda tag nilung-ag saging unya palit ug ginamos malos didto sa merkado..ilang ka Bangladish.

While Lagring was busy in the kitchen, mi balik kog katulog oi......

Ser, luto na saging ug ako napod napanitan, Lagring said.
Lagring ngano man nga uyap man kining imong gipalit? ingon ko nimo baya nga ginamosssss???..Yay...the nerve to change my favorite.

"Ser maot tan-awon ang ginamos...itomon, unya ang uyap ganahan ko sa color, penk!!!!!!!!! Lagrimas retorted.

  Yay, I thought, pati ba naman color pinakialaman? hmmmp, sapoton ko, as if dili pod sya tagabukid....di ka ila ug ginamos!

I felt that eating the mga baby pa nga shrimps is an outright cruelty to the bill of rights sa mga seafoods, diba? baby shrimps can't reach adulthood...

Anyhow I ended up eating saging with brown sugar, lol.

The next morning I went some shopping at my favorite Robinson's at C3 Pgadian, stuffs for the week, and I thought buying something for Lagring. She is a good and so crazy yaya and her coming out is a good sign to me. Nawala na ang iyang kamaulawon, baga nag face...mokanta jud bisan yabag ug tingog.

The Santa Lucia thrift shops seems a large community of sinampay, hundreds of faded and worn out clothing made an eye sore to me, almost glary to the society-ness, ahahahahahahaaha.

I saw several pekpek shorts na tiyak magustuhan ni Lagrimas....white, jeans color at pink of course!

When she saw them, she jumped with joy...ambot why, ukay- ukay ra na ha, pero wala nako gi ingon, basin iuli nya sa akoa. What matters Lagring is always polite, and thanked me for the gesture.

So ayon every afternoon ga ngaw-ngaw ang ungo sa videokehan, dili jud ko katulog...anyway duol na ang kwaresma...penetensya ko ug advance.

the party's A-LISTS

If you are not a self-proclaimed expert of something or the other, you are simply not on ‘The List’. Whether it’s art,  politics or yacht, your life must boast of a high luxury quotient without, however, appearing to be consumed by it.

Do your homework well, tread carefully and take your cue from the evening's celebration.  Hosting a party requires a certain nonchalant flair, in fact, the message is quite clear – the party must be chic and saucy. So keep your sob stories to yourself.

You may be the definitive picture of composure and an unending deluge of beatific smiles, well, some of us grew up. But some, being more equal than others, learnt how to throw a perfect party.

To be invited to this party, you have to be haute and, of course, know how to spell it. If you are not a self-proclaimed expert of something or the other, you are simply not on ‘The List’. You must also have a commendable vocabulary of esoteric terms that relies on calling something as inane as a manicure, cuticle management.

You must pepper your talk with synonyms and antonyms while describing the virtues of your current pet preoccupation, relying on a formula of social hierarchy, the more material your taste, the more philosophical the explanation.

 Tread carefully. If you arrive without doing your homework on your ‘intellectual acquisitions’, chances are you will be ensnared into a world of social butterflies.

If you fly over China and suddenly acquire a Chinese accent, this party is for you. It is here that the hostess takes the idea of ‘global village’ very seriously and will invite the equivalent of the Benetton advertisement to her backyard. Try and rely on some expensive autobronzant tente, if you have not acquired a natural tan of a faraway land by the time you arrive here. See, 99 per cent of the time, a perfect tan is a great opener, as in: “My, my, where is the holiday flush from?” This will allow you to wax lyrical about where you went, what you ate and how many men surrendered to your charm, all in one breath.

Being just Normal....

Of BIRTHDAYS & being FRUGAL

My previous birthdays were spent in a Hollywood scenarios. Three months bookings been done to ensure the success of the big day. A seven star hotel was on my dream, complete with high gourmet of Asian fusion ..the best amongst that life could offer. Inquiries were too harsh sometimes rigid, about where do I work and salaries. Knowingly that Filipinos stereotyped as the most frugal kind of people that worked abroad, I was fully been interviewed as if I can’t afford. Ahahahaha, as if!!!!

Next is the wheels of luxury, the king of the road, the vehicle to the stars- stretched limousine. Rented for one thousand dollars per hour, the car shimmers with quirks and decadence. The interiors flash with glaring sounds, a mirrored bar complete with champagne, wines and sodas. Ten of us were booked on that special day, the closest among the close friends.

The after party-selecting the hippest and the newest bar/disco in town to finally end up the birthday bash.

The ten who will share on my table were selected among friends, artists,nobles and and celebrities…but ended up on my friends mostly.

On that evening everybody dressed to the max, thy kingdom come. It was the merging of the fiercest spender in the city….gauging prominence on their arm blings—only HERMES and LOUIE VUITTONS were allowed.

The food were absolutely mouth watering, of course, it was so expensive duh!!!!!

The crowd was brilliant and sartorial too. Everything on that day seemed endlessly perfect….except my wallet!

I don’t mind at all, it was my fabulous birthday and who needs birthday celebration on the pathetic lowly indigestible, disgusting, cheap, shameful, tasteless, pedestrian stall in the forgettable alley….duh!!!!!

Lifestyle is a way of life, if you don’t have it…fake it!, buy it, borrow or still worst…steal it! Ahahahahahaha!

Did I mention that my friends never fake it?...rule number one: to be real.

We only have three rules actually:

1.  Are you famous dahling!( seen in glossy mags, high events)

2.  Do you travel to fab places..(London, Paris,Milan,New York)

3.  Do you have Hermes baby….!

Si Lagring ug ang Pato

THE LAGRING CHRONICLES

I was very busy on that September morning; my workers at my tree plantation brought some unexpected bad news. We were having huge delivery after ten days and I can’t afford bad news.

“Sir, dili moandar ang chainsaw” says Dodong Titing the head of the team of eight from Oroquieta to do the cutting of gemelina trees.

“Unsa? Naguba sya? Karon pagani na gamiton, gipa maintain biya pod nako ng tulo ka chainsaw sa Pagadian” I answered quickly with a sad voice.

“Ambot Sir, kay ug paandaron gani na sya, mamatay jud dayon ang makina. Sige pod namog start biya pero ngano kaha nga tulo ka chainsaw dili man moandar?Unya si Balolong ug si Jepoy perting pangatol sa ilang lawas, maong gipapauli nako sila ug tua sila ron sa bansohan”Titing exclaim with unbelievable thoughts on his mind.

I know very well myself that what happened was un explainable, my machines were in great shapes and having itchiness was just too coincidental.

Manong Tikangkang came later and made some advices to me which I thought would complicate the matter and so absurd. He told me that the “people” in my farm got angry from the noise of the machine and they hated the destruction of the trees. The people he mentioned are the mga engkantos, mga anitos from the unseen world that live peacefully on three balete trees inside my property.

Wow, nanindog akong mga nihit nga balahibo sa akong ilok..unsaon nalang jud akong delivery? Kay nahadlok ko mabiyaan sa barko ang mga kahoy…pastilan.Maglisod napod ko sa sunod byahe, naka schedule na raba ang truck de carga, nakakuha na pod kog necessary permit sa DENR, haayy.kalisod.

“ Pero sir naa ma nay remedyo…” he says

Unsa Manong ? kinsay gi- remedyo? Este pagtarong oi..ayaw ug bugal-bugal..kabastos gud ana!

Then he told me these things also happened according to him on their previous experience on the forest of Dumingag.

Sir pangita ug kanang arbolaryo nga native nga tawo, ato na syang ipasubay ug atong ipa negosyet sa iyaha ang mga laing tawo unsa ilang mga demands o regalo o punishment sa atoa Sir, aron maulian ang mga makina.

Wow ha…yuck, unya motuo kaha ko ana? Heller….!!!!!

Pero ug mosugot ko, basin diay maulian ang makina diba? Ohhhh…sige I will make sugo kay Lagring kay naa jud na syay dugong ihalas,ahahahahahaha! Unya native pod kayo syag face baya.

Lagring….Lagreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng!!!!!!!!! asa naman pod ka ng ungo Lagrimas?

Ser, naa ra biya ko sa gripo likod sa balay kay akong gilabhan ang mga sanina nimo nga akong gihumol.

Hala Lagring adtoa tong imong mga paryente katong mga manothoay , mga mananambal nga laway ra ang tambal… kadere pareho atong binisaya nga tambal sa akoa, ang animal way batasan gilud-an intawon sa kanahan akong ulo….huhuhuhu bastos oi, but in fairness lage naulian biya pod tong akong hubag sa lubot. Pero why man nga sa ulo man ko gilud-an?...mmm I wonder now baya.

So after two hours or so Lagring cameback, mayo nalang nga tulog pa akong baby Baste. According to Lagring the manambal ordered a pure white virgin chicken to be the offering to the mga enchanted personalities(wow, enchanted daw o!)

But why virgin chicken? White okey, but virgin..mmmm…shall I go to our local doctora Boningning to have a test if ever and to prove the virginity of the chick?

Ambot, bahala na. I slept away my problems and drifted my tired sexy body to lala- land.

Morning came..”Lagring, pag andam ug pamahaw kay ubani ko mangitag manok nga virgin inday” I ordered.

‘Naa nay pamahaw sir, fried rice, inon-unang danggit ug scrambled eggs” Lagring shouted. Pagtimplag kape ug Milo para kayBaste kay ubanon nato sya.

Asa naman tong akong gwapa nga long sleeve t-shirt nga akong gipalit sa ukay-ukay sa London?

The white t-shirt was my favorite one, on my travel to London I bought it at side street of  Portobello known as the thrift shop district in London. It has 2 cute angels in the front and the fitting, oh so gorgeous!!!!!!

Dia ra sir imong t-shirt ako na syang gihomol gahapon aron moputi ug samot…Lagring proudly stated.

Waaaaaa…unsay nahitabo sa akong palanggang t-shirt Lagring? Why man hing kopos kini , XL na sya atong pagpalit nako Lagrimas! Pordyos dos pordos buyag iyarah..hing gamay na sya…sakto rana sa size ni Baste!!!!!!!!! Hala oi Lagrimas, kalouy sa akong t-shirt….dili man na sya humolan, DRY CLEAN NA SYA inday!....

Lagrimas just looked at me puzzled, I know, it was my fault….she even didn’t understand what is dry clean arghhhhh….me and my scattered brain. So I shut my mouth and ate breakfast with baste and Lagrimas.

“Yay Lagring ilisde day nang imong t-shirt palihog lang... hate ko ang color” I said sabay ngiwi.

Sir ganahan ko ini peborit nako ni nga color..penk!

Ansabe? I thought,,,sige daw spell PENK! Ahahahaha!

Hoy Lagrimas kung dili mo ilisdan ang t-shirt okey lang day.... pero please lang ilisde kanang pekpek short nimo, kalian oi….itom kayo tan-awon imong kegol !!!!! HILAS ug LAW-AY.....dili ka si Vice Ugandah.... hala pag jeans dali!!!!!!!

Wow grabe itong yaya ni Baste kung maka arte ha, hurot sweldo palit ug whitening cream sa nawong namurag kalag hingputi hinoon, pero why man wa nya gi tsing-tsang –tso iyang kigol para puti sab.

And so we jumped into the car with my white cargo porontong and Zara long sleeves, a cap to cover from the glaring sun, Zara sandals in white and orange Arafat scarf. And Baste..? well he looked so angelic literally with my XL turned so very-very small white shirt.

It was a market day in Limonan, a feast of the eye welcomed us…from fresh vegetables, delicacies, dried fish/fresh fishes and other produce of the men from the hinterlands.

“Hala Lagrimas, kanaug sa jeep ug ikaw pangitag puting manok nga virgin, kami ni Baste didto sa estanbay sa namaligyag budbud ug bingka plus inom mig init nga chokwate…..anhai lang mi ngadto” I say.

After almost an hour , Lagring appeared nga murag gihangak, Sir wala lage puti nga manok ser….nay puti ser, pero lake man to sya akong pamate…so I tsens my mine Ser…palit nalang kog berjen pero dili manok ser…PATO!!!!!!!!!!!

Waaaaaaa…Lagrimas!!! Ahak oi…why intawon pato day….imo kong gibugal-bugalan noh??? Hampakon taka rong ug dagkong talong jud…ngutana unta ka! Dili kanang ikaw mo decide! Buang…!

Sapoton jud ko pag dili motuman sa akong sugo.

“Hala iuli na sya kay mangita tag lain …bweseet!

So after a while hinbalik na sad ang pak-an…Ser,sori jud kayo, nanguli nasa bukid ang tindera sa pato sir……!!!!!dili na mauli.

Na mental block ko after….basta lang I arrived home ug nganong hing-abot ko? I didn’t know….banha kayo ang pato sa likod..gahilak, alangan pod akong lookon sya….naluoy nalang ko sa pato. Si LAGRING GAHILOM-HILOM NAHADLOK MAKULATA!!!!!!

So with still the unsolved problem, I summoned again the manambal guy and beg him to let me have optons…like white pig perhaps?

Hay nako po itik nga naging pato…maayo gani ming sugot ang manambalay and ordered me to buy kanding or kambing …bisan dili puti/dili virgin.

So the ritual followed next day and miracles do happened…ming andar ang mga makina…yay, I am sure pinaglaruan lang ako ng mga kwanggol murag playtime ba...mura pod gi-ilad ko..kasi nahimo nilang sumsuman sa ilang inom pagkagabii…nangayo pajud ug 6 ka litrong Gold Eagle beer.

PS.

Did I mention to you nga dili ko mokaon ug pato? But I eat peking ducks in the resto, kasi feeling ko sosyal peking duck…from the noble emperial house of China…dili pato nga makit-an nako sa suba….hay, kalorkey ang itik na nagin pato!!!!

So akong gihatag apil ang pato sa mga palahubog kong workers…while akong  panihapon - tinonoang langka with lambay and shrimps….akong gipalit ang langka didto sa Friday market.S i Lagring? didto nanihapon sa bukid uban sa mga lalake...I'm sure enjoy kaayo didto ang ungo...kay akong natan-awan naka PEKPEK SHORT..........!

PLANTACION MONTANA FUENTES: SOON......

About forty five minutes  drive from Pagadian City Airport – through small towns and hamlets, down palm-fringed roads and alongside clumps of  trees – takes you to the relatively undiscovered Plantacion Montana Fuentes. It is home to the newly-minted oasis of serenity in the near future, located on a picturesque expanse  nestled in a rustic environment, of dense trees and mango orchard…. the property is a luxurious soul sanctuary that is waiting to be experienced soon.

Satiate your senses in a multitude of ways from the instant you step into its environs. The architecture is inspired by a mix of Balinese and local ethos in almost every aspect of its design, recreating a quintessential Asian experience amidst the bounty of nature.

The key word is relaxation. A private retreat – that  raise the luxury and intimacy quotient with infiniti pool, private dining areas, a rain shower and soak tub. A refreshing way to experience peace in the midst of pampering!

Organic and natural rituals are imparted in spaces infused with energy and holistic balance. Here, signature experiences are enough solace for the soul.

The property follows a host of green practices,   employing alternative energy resources like rain-water harvesting and solar heat plants to save energy. Their green initiatives like the tree plantation drive and helped create awareness and education amongst the environmental conscious few.  The Plantacion’s dream invested on a long range plan and its minimalist and urban designs, luxe rooms and sumptuous world cuisine make it an ideal retreat for the discerning taste.

Tucked away in the scenic and vivid vistas of a mountain range, the site encapsulates the  merged of indigenous local craftsmanship.